So you're thinking about adding a member to your "conventional" family, thereby creating an expanded family? Here are a few insights you might wish to ponder before making that step.
Issues covered in this section are:
For more information regarding adding family members to your existing relationship, feel free to read the following other resources we offer:
Can't I take it back?!
So you decided to introduce your monogamous partner to the idea of Poly and they "freaked out"; now you want to make it just go away? Good luck. If you brought up the subject of Poly to your partner and they didn't quite take it as you hoped, you now have a whole new problem. Depending on the personality and level of security of your partner, this problem might be that you end up with no partners at all. In this situation, it's best to put everything on the table and see how they react. If they are insecure and become threatened by your desire, chances are that you won't be able to salvage the relationship. If they're open minded and secure, they may just disregard the issue entirely and let your relationship continue as it was before you made the suggestion. Either way, make sure that you think seriously about your partner's possible reaction(s) before you introduce the subject.
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Poly can save my failing relationship / marriage, right?
First of all, if you are thinking that adding another member to an already failing or in trouble relationship will make things better, then I suggest that you reconsider this. If you are struggling to make your relationship work with one partner, then why would you even think that adding one or more additional partners would make things better? A relationship that is unstable is most likely that way for good reason(s), and adding any more emotions, feelings, or day to day life issues to this mix would be a short term solution at best. From our experience you need a good solid relationship to build upon before you even consider adding another member to your family. If you are having problems with your current partner or spouse please, get help for that relationship before even considering adding another person into the situation.
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I am currently seeing someone behind my spouse / partners back...
I'm going to suggest a Poly lifestyle to fix this. Stop right there! If you're cheating on the person you have chosen to love, honor, and cherish, don't even consider trying the Poly approach. As I've stated earlier, Poly is a family unit...families are based upon trust and fidelity, Poly does not mean cheating or swinging. If you cheated on your spouse / partner and now you find yourself in love with two people who don't know that the other exists...this is not Poly. What you're doing is called an affair, and chances are that one or more of the people involved in this affair are not going to take kindly to your proposed solution. If you feel brave enough to approach the subject then feel free, but be prepared for the consequences of your actions.
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My spouse can't satisfy my sexual desires....will adding another spouse fix this?
While adding another spouse certainly could fix this problem, there seem to be more underlying factors that should be examined. First of all, is your spouse unable to satisfy your needs because she is unwilling, or because you are asking her to do things she just doesn't want to do? If she views your sexual habits as unattractive, then you need to discuss with her what the issues are. It's her body, and you have to accept the fact that she isn't going to do anything that she doesn't want to. If the two of you discuss this and you're still not happy with the result, then feel free to bring up the expanded family issue. Just make sure that this doesn't backfire on you and leave you with no spouse whatsoever. Remember, Poly is not swinging, and isn't merely a cure for sexual dissatisfaction.
More insights and portents to come. Have some issues that you feel should be discussed here? Email us here and let us know.
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