Ask Aunt Poly is an advice column. While it is meant to offer genuine, helpful advice, Aunt Poly has no degree in this area, and is not a professional. She will offer her opinions and advice, as well as those of her staff. Please use your own best judgement when considering advice given here. Before submitting any letters to Aunt Poly, please make sure that you read the official disclaimer regarding this advice column.
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Hi Aunt Poly,
I am a 26 year old stay-at-home mom. I am married to a very loving husband and have a 2 year old son. We are currently in a monogamous relationship, but are talking about sharing a house with a female friend who is 8 months pregnant. She is a sweet woman that we have been friends with since before we started dating. She is pregnant by an ex-boyfriend and currently lives in the town we used to. My husband drives a truck long distance and is gone a month or so at the time. He saw our friend at the truck stop she works at on his way through town. He called me and told me how she is doing and that she would send me a picture of her "bump". He also mentioned that he had offered if she wanted to to help her move to the town we are moving to when we get there. I am happy he offered.
I have been thinking about proposing we share more than a house. I had a crush on our friend before I started dating my husband and I believe he is attracted to our friend (he was very sexually attracted to my pregnant body and our friend is a lovely blonde with a sweet smile)
But and it is a big one, my husband is insecure in his own attractivness. He has had a couple relationships go bad because of cheating and he does not get why I love him so much.
Bad idea from the get go, go slow or what?
Dear Moving In,
You have certainly given Aunt Poly alot to think about. There really are several paths to take with this situation. You say you had an attraction to this friend before you were married. How do you think she would react to the idea of bi-sexual relationship with you and do you think she has any attraction at all to your hubby ? Also, if the idea to remain friends and roommates only is what is decided, understand that over time living in close quarters thoughts and feelings can change. Be sure this is discussed as well.
Open lines of communication are an absolute must before traveling the path to this lovestyle. Choose your words carefully in talking to your husband about your attraction to this woman and your thoughts on being in a polyamorous relationship with her. Let him know of your love for him and in your carefully chosen words do not let him feel as if you are needing something he can not fulfill. Hubbies can be hurt when hearing " I need more" from their wives.
Be sure that you can say to your husband "I would love for us to explore this idea, but if you only want to remain friends with this girl, that is totally fine as well".
Then all of you need to do a lot of reading about polyamory, and talking to others living this lovestyle before you make any final decisions.
Aunt Poly also wants you to understand that as wonderful as polyamorous relationships can be, they are not for the faint of heart, nor those unable to be committed even in tough times, because there will be tough times. But the rewards can be amazing for all involved.
Aunt Poly can be reached here, at her Polyamorous Percolations email address.