I am Chias, the 38 year old second husband of the relationship. I often refer to myself as the illegitimate husband, or IH for short. I am also the newest member of the family, we have been living together in the same home as an expanded family for two years at the time of this writing (August, 2006). Our family consists of two adult males, one adult female, and one eight year old boy. Prior to us living together, our family history started something like this:
The first husband is Kriek, who is also 38 years old. He and our wife, Sister Dagger of Sweet Reason, have been married for eight years. Despite this fact, Kriek and I share every aspect of the relationship issues; meaning that in our family there is no primary or secondary husband.
Dagger is 30 years old and she and Kriek are the biological parents of our child who will be lovingly known as the red-headed step child.
Sister Dagger and I met first, through an online group that we both took part in. We knew each other casually for several years before we actually began to talk more frequently. We both began to realize that we had feelings for each other, but at that early stage the idea of a Poly relationship never crossed our minds. We had our relationship strictly online and never even met for quite some time. I decided to take my vacation and come to visit her and Kriek in Maryland (I was living in Maine at the time). I stayed with them for a week and we all hit it off great, but again the idea of us becoming an expanded family was never discussed.
After my vacation was over we began to talk on the phone frequently. Our relationship continued to grow stronger, as did our feelings for each other; but again we never did anything infidelitous because we both knew that would be wrong. It wasn't long after that time that Kriek brought up the idea that I should be married into the family. Being rational adults, we all knew that while this sounded like a good idea it might not work considering the fact that none of us had ever lived together before. We decided that Sister Dagger should come to Maine and live with me, so that we could see how we would function in that situation. She came to live with me, and for six months we had each other to ourselves while the red headed step child stayed behind with Kriek in Maryland.
Needless to say things went great, and the plans began for me to relocate to Maryland. Just for the record, none of us have lived this lifestyle before and we are still learning how to coexist as an extended family. To me, however, it made perfect sense because I knew in my heart that Sister Dagger was not only my best friend but my soul mate; and that being with her in an extended family was much better than not being with her at all. This is something that those who don't understand the idea of Poly should consider before making decisions about those of us who live this lifestyle.
We have our fair share of issues, but like any family we work together to resolve them long before they are even close to being able to cause any type of permanent damage.
If you have any general questions about our family unit, feel free to post it in the Polyamory Lifestyle Issues section of our Forums, or email me here.