This is my monthly column about our life, life in a triad in general, or whatever rants & raves I feel like talking about at the time.

Previous editions of this column can be found in the Monthly Columns Archives.

Thoughts on Expansion

Several weeks ago while perusing one of the discussion lists I subscribe to I came across a "personal ad" of sorts. This particular advertisement was an invitation (complete with an application process) for folks to join an intentional community in Hawaii. This invitation was posted by two well known members of the Poly community, and met with widespread negativity throughout the discussion list. While I'm not here to either condemn or condone the use of this particular method to expand ones family, it does present an interesting question. Exactly how does one go about meeting potential members for their Poly family?

I mean, let's face it. The last time I checked there were no bean suppers for Poly folks, no singles nights for lonely Poly's, and my local paper had no section in there related to "Poly's Seeking Poly's". So considering this, where exactly does a person start the process of expanding their family? My recommendation is to start in the one place that anything can be found (no, not K-Mart), the Internet. Now that we've establised the where, let's talk about the how. My first recommendation is to find social events or gatherings that will attract like-minded folks and attend as many as you can. The first one that comes to mind is the event sponsored twice a year by Out of the Dark, The Gathering of the Tribes. This is a Pagan friendly event, and there is no group of people I've met who are more open and accepting than Pagans.

If you're not interested in attending The gathering of the Tribes, there are also many conferences sponsored by Loving More Magazine or World Polyamory Association. These are just a few of the many Poly related events & Gatherings you can attend to build a family network.

Not quite ready to head right out there and start meeting folks face to face? Then maybe you should head on over to These folks have dedicated themselves to helping mature, loving adults find others who share the Polyamory Lifestyle. They appear to be successful at it too; they've been around since the year 2000 and have over five thousand registered members. I've never used the service myself, but there are plenty of testimonials from people who have. You be the judge here.

I'm in no way saying that these methods will be fool proof, nor am I expressing anything more than opinions here folks. Any steps you take to meet new people and expand upon your family you do so at your own risk. Going back to the "personal ad" mentioned earlier; I do strongly feel that some type of screening process had better be used to insure that things work out like you planned. I don't necessarily know what the solution should be for you, only you know what level of comfort you have when meeting new people. What I can't stress enough here is safety. Don't go running out to meet every person who expresses an interest in "going poly". Your desire to expand your family or meet new people should never cloud your judgement and endanger the life you already have. Stay safe always.

~ Chias, June 5, 2005

folks have read this article.