Sister Dagger is the hinge of a V-Triad, complemented by her husband Kriek and the illegitimate husband Chias. Despite the fact that she works fulltime, juggles two husbands and is mother to a wonderful son, she decided to share her wisdom and insights regarding the poly lifestyle. Here she will try to document the journey that is not only her marriage to multiple men but her life in general. Despite all of the chaos that sometimes ensues, there are always Sweet Reasons for living in a poly relationship.

Previous editions of this column can be found in the Monthly Columns Archives.

Sweet Reasons

I often ask myself, as many do, "How did I get here, to this point in my life?" I found that I was attracted to several men at once and was hard pressed to find 'the one'. I figured something was wrong with me because I wanted to be able to have more than one husband. "Why can't I just love two men? Why does this have to be so hard?" I thought it was horribly unfair that men, in general, could have several girlfriends and be branded as a 'stud', yet women would be branded as 'sluts' when found in the same situation.

Also, I was brought up in a very Christain family. My father is a Minister. I was/am a very spiritual person, and fitting how I felt into my religion was difficult to rationalize. I could quote most of the New Testament because of Bible quizzing, yet nothing I came across remotely addressed this situation.

I pushed most of these things to the back of my mind, deciding that this was my life and I'd better find the happiness in it before I went crazy.

Then Fate stepped in.

A few years ago I met Chias. We played the same online RPG and our characters were an 'item'. Gradually we began talking to each other, not as our characters, but as real people. We got to know each other quite well, and I surprised myself by feeling jealousy when he told me of his new girlfriend. At that time, I thought it was jealousy of having his attention split. I rarely spoke to him during their relationship. I was morbidly happy when they split.

Chias came to visit us for a well deserved vacation. We got to know each other even more. On the day he left I cried like a baby. I couldn't put my finger on why. Kriek was the one who said... "Hey, do you love him?" I said "Yes, of course I do". Kriek asked "Yeah, but are you IN love with him?" I couldn't reply because the thought never occured to me. I can be remarkably dense sometimes.

Kriek sat me down and told me his thoughts and feelings on love. That he knew it was possible for someone to love more than one person at the same time. And if that was what I felt, and wanted, he would support me in that pursuit.

After some soul searching and more conversation, we emailed Chias. I went up to Maine for 5 months to have our "honeymoon". Then, at the end of the summer that year, Chias came to live with us.

I don't know why/how our triad works. We are very solid. We have our moments of disagreement, as most relationships do. We also know that, above all else, communication really is the key. We try to be as honest and open about our feelings and thoughts as we can while respecting the privacy of those thoughts and emotions. I've begun feeling like Chias has always been a part of our lives. The only other person I've felt that particular way about is my son. Trying to picture life without Kriek, Chias and my son is surreal, they've always been here and always will be.

I've been lucky to find two straight men who have no jealousy issues when it comes to sharing a woman. That they've put aside the 'male ego' to make me, and each other, happy and satisfied still amazes me at times.

They've recently told me that if I find someone else I'm attracted to, then I should explore the idea of a relationship with that person. Though my mind cramps at the thought of juggling 3 men (quality time with my son being key), the fact that they are open minded and willing to accept me as a person capable of such great love forms a lump in my throat. I'm trying to overcome my own feelings of jealousy when they talk of meeting someone themselves. It's not that I think I'll lose either of them. It's not that I feel they will love me less. It's not even feelings of inadequacy. It's nothing I can put my finger on. However, I have faith in myself that if it were the right person, I wouldn't have that jealous feeling for very long. Actually, there are a few I know that I'd love to add to our family. Those I know I could never be jealous of sharing with my husbands.

Spirtitually speaking, God is love. Love is never jealous. Love is eternal.

Sister Dagger is a contributing writer as well as a member of this online Community. She can be contacted here or through our message board Forums.

Sister Dagger; June 21, 2006


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