AlmostFLYin2 is a single person who found Poly as a member of a quad. Even though her long term marriage ended due to that relationship, she has realized that the Poly lifestyle is still something she is open to. She is breaking into the world of single life as an adult for the first time after a 14 year relationship. She has 2 kids she also has to coordinate her time for. She is tackling not only the world of dating as a Single mom with baggage, but also trying to find Poly relationships while discovering a new sense of self at the same time. She will be sharing the milestones and ideas she has on the entire journey by using quotes that she has found that fit the situation.
Previous editions of this column can be found in the Monthly Columns Archives.
"I Try to Face One Day at a Time, But Sometimes Several Days Attack Me at Once!"
Yeah this seems good this month. As many have probably noticed I'm running a bit behind, in fact I seem to be running a bit behind in many things in my life right now.
The seasons are changing in glorious fashion around here with trees dressed in every color under the sun. I see this as I drive to and from work every day, I see this when I spend time with my kids, Unfortunately I don't get to see this with anyone else. There hasn't been a confluence of schedules that allows me to share this with any of my significant others.
I have been developing a few relationships in the last few months. Luckily my opening conversations for each of them included the fact that I am polyamorous. I don't have to convince anyone that it is the path I am on and why. I DO however have to try to make time for everyone.
Many people realize that the more relationships you have the more work you have to do in them. I see that too. One of the things I did forget was that while I questioned others on how they managed multiple relationships, I never thought about doing it myself.
Everyday life can take so much time and effort and often schedules do not allow openings that coincide with anyone elses. Currently my primary partner (just for descriptive purposes) is training for a new job, which includes driving almost two hours each way for work, so we hardly get to talk to each other right now as he's working when I'm not and vice versa. My other "friends" are busy doing things like starting a new job, recovering from an injury at work that was worse than it originally appeared, and taking care of their own kids, school, and life activities.
"I Try to Take One Day at a Time"
I have resorted to just having my online calendar send me e-mails to remind me of everything important now. I like to focus as much as I can on Today. I try to fit my social life into the thick schedule I have going right now. Every day I manage to get at least some communication with my primary, lately it has been a mid sized e-mail and not much more. A 15 minute phone call last night was glorious while I was busy making dinner for a potluck. My secondaries usually get a Yahoo ping or they call me. Still not more than a few minutes usually and rarely every day.
Every day I have either work or church or errands, half the time I work around having the kids too. I wake up in the morning and make a mental list of what I have to do that day. Today I woke up a half an hour early to write an article I forgot to fit into my schedule, I will also be going to work, stopping at the post office and when I get home I will be making a huge batch of brownies and cookies for work tomorrow, I will be working on laundry and dishes and vacuuming the living room, somewhere in there I need to send e-mails to my mom, brother, SO's and take an online survey and clean out my e-mail boxes. I MIGHT get to play a game online for a bit IF no one pings me first. I will figure out tomorrow, tomorrow.
"But Sometimes Several Days Attack Me at Once"
Between the kids schedules, my schedule, work schedules. I'm lucky to even look at my calendar after spending a few hours getting everything for the school year set up on it. I have set up plans and appointments and THEN realized that I had set them all for the same week. (two lunches at work, two batches of cookies, two potlucks and one picnic). I still have to fit cub scouts, homework, and errand running in there as well. THEN I get to talk to my SO's.
How do you fit a social life into an everyday life? You have to find others who are as busy as you and hope you have clear schedules at the same time. NOT EASY! I'm not currently in any close relationships that aren't long distance, so I only have to find time to instant message and send e-mails most days. How would I do it if I had actual dates? I have no clue. I still can't imagine trying to juggle three live relationships at once while having young kids. I have managed to squeeze in a few live dates lately, about once a month so far and those were all shorter than I would have liked due to other plans I had previously made for the same weekends.
"I Try to Take One Day at a Time, But Sometimes Several Days Attack Me at Once"
I guess I can wrap this up with the thought that I can take things in the now, and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Especially when I get busy. For me busy is good. makes me feel productive and keeps me distracted from the emotional pain that still crops up regularly, but it can also make the good parts of my life a bit scattered.
When all those days attack me at once....I still only have to live in TODAY, and today I need to get started on NOW.
But don't quote me on that.
AlmostFLYin2 is a contributing writer as well as a member of this online Community. She can be contacted here or through our message board Forums.
AlmostFLYin2; October 7, 2006
Top
folks have read this article.