These writings contain my experiences and opinions. The opinions are personal in nature, not professional. I am not a professional; I have no degree. These are the insights I have gleaned from living four years in a polyamorous relationship.
Previous editions of this column can be found in the Monthly Columns Archives.
A Day In The Life
I went to see a new gynecologist on Monday. Due to the nature of the doctor, I always give my medical and sexual history without holding anything back. There are, of course, a lot of professionals to whom I give no detail at all, but the obgyn is the exception to that rule. In the course of giving my history, the fact that I am in a polyamorous relationship obviously was mentioned. In response to that statement, the doctor asked me (and yes I am quoting here), “Do you guys run around naked all the time?” Well, needless to say that I was pretty much stunned by this question. I just looked at him and said, “Uh no. Do you?”
Why is it that when people hear the term “poly” or “group marriage” or any such variation, their minds immediately jump to the promiscuous and the perverse? This irritates me to no end, so I thought I'd write about a typical day in my poly household. For those of you who are curious about all of the perverse, dirty little details of living with multiple spice, well here ya go. This is what happened in the life of my triad yesterday:
5:30 a.m.: My alarm went off, and I got out of bed. I let out my little dog, fed her, got dressed, put in my contacts, and brushed my teeth. I put up my hair and put on a little bit of make-up.
6:15 a.m.: Wife got up and let out her two dogs. We stood in the kitchen and talked while I finished packing my lunch for work, and she made a pot of coffee. She let her dogs in and fed them.
6:30 a.m.: Wife and I sat down at the table and had a cup of coffee together. I had some breakfast. We talked about some people that we know, about someone she had run into the day before, and about an article we had read on the fact that soy isn't as good for us as we'd been led to believe.
7:00 a.m.: I walked my dog, checked my email, and glanced at the news.
7:15 a.m.: I went into Wife's bedroom, kissed my sleeping hubby on the cheek to wake him up for work, told him good-bye, gathered all of my things, called a good-bye to Wife, and left for work.
8:00 a.m.: Hubby called me from the office to ask me if I'd go to the bank on the way home. We chatted for a few minutes, and then both of us went back to work.
2:45 p.m.: I returned home from work and waved at Hubby through his office window. I let out the dogs and changed into comfortable clothes. Wife was out giving a massage; I could see by looking around that she'd been to the grocery store and had picked the tomatoes and cucumbers from the garden.
3:00 p.m.: Hubby got off of his phone call, came out of the office to kiss me hello. I gave him his cash from my bank trip, and he went back to work. I unloaded the dishwasher and made some humus to go with dinner.
3:30 p.m.: Wife came home. I helped her unload her massage table and supplies from the back of her car. She changed out of her scrubs, and we started cutting up vegetables for dinner. We talked about the fact that it looks like I'm going to have my period every other day for the rest of my life and about the fact that I'm once again going to have to go on the hunt for a new obgyn. (Hey, I did say that I went to see a new gynecologist, and besides, you did want all the dirty little details, after all.) We cleaned up the kitchen after making our veggie burgers, to be cooked later in the evening, and I went off to take a shower.
4:30 p.m.: Hubby wrapped up his work day and left to go to the gym. Wife and I each went to our respective computers to catch up on email and read the news.
6:00 p.m.: Hubby returned from the gym and jumped in the shower while Wife and I finished up dinner and got it on the table.
6:30 p.m.: We sat down together, as a family, and had dinner together. We talked about each of our days; we complained about Snowbirds and elderly drivers, and then we switched on the news.
7:15 p.m.: Hubby and I cleared the table, loaded the dishwasher, and cleaned up the kitchen while Wife took a shower.
7:45 p.m.: We all sat down together to watch a Nova special on last year's hurricane season. It made me cry. None of us failed to note that this year's hurricane season is only about two months away.
9:00 p.m.: Wife unloaded the dishwasher while Hubby secured the house, and I walked my dog. We then played one round of our favorite card game, peanuts. Every time someone lost a hand, they had to do a shot of Luksusova. As always, I started out far in the lead, then I ended up getting beat by a mile.
10:00 p.m.: Hubby tucked Wife into bed, and then he came to bed with me. It was our night together. Yes, there was sex-the normal kind. You know, the kind you more than likely have with your spouse, boy/girl friend, partner, or significant other. No one swung from the ceiling fan; no one spoke in tongues; there was no running naked through the canals. We were sound asleep by 11:30.
There you have it-the mundane details of a day in the life of my triad. Looking back over this, I'd dare say that we are pretty much like any other “normal” family; there just happens to be more of us. Perhaps we're even a little bit boring. It's disappointing isn't it, just how not exciting we are? It certainly doesn't play into the perverted little fantasies that the phrase “group marriage” tends to conjure up in so many minds. Eventually people are going to have to accept that we really aren't doing anything wrong, and we really are good, hardworking people. Until that day, I'm going to continue to fight for my rights to not only love multiple partners, but to be treated with respect and dignity by so called professionals. And just in case you're curious, that so called professional didn't get a cent of my money, because I got up and walked right out of his office.
PolyAnna; April 07, 2006
PolyAnna is a contributing writer as well as a member of this online Community. She can be contacted here or through our message board Forums.
folks have read this article.