Momma Chel is a contributing writer to this community, as well as a mother raising several children in her expanded family. These are some of her thoughts regarding the subject.

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Marching On

Summer’s really over?

Wow, what a summer it has been and how quickly it has flown; more than any summer I can recall. That’s what I’ve been doing a lot of lately – recollecting. Personally, I’m in a much better place than when my summer began. Our family as a whole, well, we’re still toughing it out.

I recall that in June I somehow felt fresh; the kids were out of school without a tied down schedule that gets in the way. My oldest two kids, Little Boom and Dancing Queen, helped me pass the immense amount of time that I now had on my hands after girlfriend and her three children moved out. In the month of June, it felt like we had to find our places in each other’s lives again after four years of balancing 8 people in our household, we were down to mainly three with hubby in and out of our lives. It was an adjustment and it still is a balancing act for all of us.

Little Boom was quite used to me having my attention spread much thinner and it has been challenging for him to deal with mom being more involved. At first, he liked the extra attention and was enjoying the fact that it was easier for us to pick up and go do something and I wasn’t as opposed to taking friends along either. Then, he decided that I was a little too involved or too close for his comfort and has since tried to push me away but being the loving boy that he is, has kept it gentle while shouting “Give me some space!”. He never once has asked about girlfriend or the kids. I chalk it up to adolescence and try not to let it bother me. I do sometimes wonder if he thinks of them or if he feels a loss without them here. He will tell a “remember when” story occasionally and it will sometimes be a story of one of the younger kids; so, I know he has good memories and that he’s in a good place with it all.

Dancing Queen has stayed active and I have enjoyed watching her grow this summer. Her shoe size is finally staying the same, but I keep wondering when her legs will stop! She also enjoyed mom having a little more time but with her, I’ve had to balance it and say “hey, wait your turn or hold on just a minute and let your brother finish”. She has seemed to try to take over my whole time. It was also a way of comforting me. She felt much of my pain (both of my kids did) and that was her way of being there for me. She doesn’t ask many questions of me although I’ve encouraged her to ask about anything. She says she misses the kids sometimes, but after we have balanced our lives again, she’s enjoying not having to share so much. Yes, the selfishness of those teen years is seeping out of both kids right now!

I always enjoyed family time with the kids and just getting together and doing a project or watching a show but boy how it has changed. I went from balancing everyone’s tastes and trying to find something to do that all the ages would enjoy, to basically being on a teeter totter. LB likes metal music, DQ likes R & B --- DQ wants to go to the mall, LB wants to stay home and do nothing --- and on and on it goes. We’re handling it, but some days are interesting that’s for sure. I guess that again, we are still finding our way in this new path. The important part is that we are all together and communicating and finding peace with every new step.

I think of the younger kids that were a part of our lives for the last four years almost daily. Something will trigger a memory and I chuckle over it or I share my recollection with whomever I’m with. I haven’t spoke with them much but know that they miss us all and that they don’t understand why they just can’t come over and stay the night in their old house. I feel for them as they are at such ages to possibly never quite understand. The children are always the innocent ones and it’s our duty to protect them as much as we can. I know in my heart that I did all I could do to see that they moved on healthy and stable and I also find comfort that I am still in their thoughts as they will always be in mine. We share the good memories with each other now and again and well, time moves on, more quickly than we’d like, but all of us seem to be finding our paths and marching on!

Momma Chel is a contributing writer as well as a member of this online Community. She can be contacted here or through our message board Forums.

Momma Chel; September 21, 2006


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