I am a third in a Female, male, female Vee triad that is just starting down the road of Polyamory. My boyfriend and wife have been married for 6 years and we are all working towards moving in together in a few months. All of us are very involved in the LARPing (Live action role play) community in our area, and we also table top game whenever we can. I very much love singing, fantasy literature, and almost anything anime. I hope that I can give a happy view of a life I never dreamed of but always wanted in my heart.

Previous editions of this column can be found in the Monthly Columns Archives.

Hopeful for the Holidays

December for me is always busy; what with the holiday and all the family obligations that are involved, but this December has been one of the busiest of my life.

First off the big move. Lynneís parents are going away for the winter and thus the house will finally be empty of all but the three of us, which makes me very happy but scared as well. It will finally allow us to see if this relationship is going to work. We can start to work on our relationship dynamic without worrying about prying eyes or ears. With them leaving I will be moving up to the other bedroom which means more space for me, and Tom finally getting to spend the night. Having a room of my own will give me the freedom which I feel I have been missing the last couple of months. Most of all it will give me a place to retreat to if I need an escape.

Then of course we come to the sleeping arrangements. I have dreamed for so long of the night I will finally get to be with Tom and I fear it will not be the night I wished for. So much could happen. Lynne could freak out and say she canít handle it. Tom and I could lay awake the whole night worrying that Lynne is sad and hurt, alone in her room. The smallest worry of all by comparison is that Tom and I may just find that we suck at sharing the same space. Tom and I have talked about the best way to do things to help Lynne be as comfortable as possible with us sleeping together. We are going to try to take short naps with all of us together in their bed. The first couple of nights Tom spends with me we will have an open door policy so that Lynne can come in at anytime if she is feeling lonely. I want this to be okay for her. I know it's not going to be perfect but we really are doing our best to make sure that we can all be happy with this relationship. Of course after the sleeping so soon will come the sex, one of the hardest things to get through. Of course at first itís going to be a no, we want to let Lynne be okay with us sharing space first before we throw that at her too. She knows itís going to happen eventually, she is a smart woman, but one step at a time is how she takes things and that is how we are going to do it.

I know many of you reading this have gone through the same thing, and if you were on my side of it then you must have been going crazy to. Day in and day out I think of how things could go, where I could be in the next couple of months, and I worry. My heart is very much in this. In the past couple of months that we have been together I have really grown to care about Lynne and my relationship with Tom has strengthened as well, to the point that I know if this ended my heart would be severely broken. In the beginning of this all I knew I loved them both but I felt if I had to I could walk away clean, my heart still in one piece - cracked maybe, but whole. Now I know that it could never be that way.

On top of all of this I am dealing with my twin sister who seems to always have followed in my footsteps. She would be mad to hear me say that, and most likely when she reads this she will give me an earful but in some ways itís the truth. First of all, my sister is married to a loving husband who she very much cares for; they have a really great relationship; one that allows openness in everything. A few months back, a little after the start of my relationship, my sister started to see another man. Suddenly I found myself on the other side of the coin; I never understood how other people might see us. I was worried for my sister, thinking how others would see her and if she was going to be able to balance this new relationship and her marriage. I also saw mistakes I was making in my own relationship by watching hers, some of them were pretty big. She started to pay much less attention to her husband, I really donít think she meant to but anything new seems like more fun at first. I realized that I was monopolizing a lot of Tomís time and I really needed to make sure that he had enough time to make Lynne feel special too. I really needed to see someone else going through the same thing as me, sadly my sisterís new relationship has shifted to friendship only but there are still chances for another relationship in the future. Plus she learned to give her marriage some new love and make some clearer rules.

The last thing I am dealing with this month is holidays, with three families to think about plus a new relationship to build itís been hard trying to figure out where to go for each holiday. I really want to spend Christmas day with my new loves but my family is feeling very left out and would really like me to spend the day with them, ugh! Luckily Lynneís family has a lot of their own plans for the holidays and really only want to see us for Christmas Eve. Tomís family is all out of state and they had a big get together last year so they donít plan on doing anything this year so itís really only my family I have to worry about.

I want this first Christmas to be special for us, I want to wake up Christmas morning and tear through our presents together laughing and just being with one another. This is so new to me and having more then one person to share it with has really made it that much more festive for me. I love sharing the season and I canít wait to watch the lights, tree and wreath go up. The hardest thing for me in the holiday season is all the parties. We are not out to most of our co-workers and family, so parties can be a bit of a strain. Most times I have to stay home while Tom and Lynne go out or we all go together but I have to treat them like they are just friends, nothing more, and it tends to make me a little depressed when all I want to be is happy and true to us. I know this is something that comes with a polyamorous relationship. Not everyone is going to know and we are feeling out who we really want to be in on our life choice. One happiness is that we have a great group of friends who we are very close to and they all know, one of the parties we are going to is with them and we can truly be ourselves.

All in all I think this is going to be a very full and tiring holiday season, but for all the issues I also think that I will end up having a truly happy and loving Christmas and hope filled New Year.

Catanya is a contributing writer as well as a member of this online Community. She can be contacted here or through our message board Forums.

Catanya ; December 15, 2007

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