I am a third in a Female, male, female Vee triad that is just starting down the road of Polyamory. My boyfriend and wife have been married for 6 years and we are all working towards moving in together in a few months. All of us are very involved in the LARPing (Live action role play) community in our area, and we also table top game whenever we can. I very much love singing, fantasy literature, and almost anything anime. I hope that I can give a happy view of a life I never dreamed of but always wanted in my heart.

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The Cool Down

Little by little things have started to settle down, less stress, less emotion good and bad and I have to say I am sad and thankful for it.

All relationships go this way the strong intense highs of new love, you can almost think of nothing but the other person. With poly it's all the more so because you are dealing with the new found love and re experiencing the love of your others. When you feel the newness of love your old loves start to blossom again from the attention you place on them so that they know they are not forgotten.

Next comes the part that I am in now the getting to truly know you and settle into you period I like to call it the cool down. As much as I still very much love Tom the strength of this overwhelming love has started to lessen to something far more manageable and enjoyable in its own way. I loved feeling my heart beat fast when ever I saw him but I know find great comfort in just knowing he is in the room close by. I have also very much come to love the company of Lynne as we watch a movie together or as she cooks and we just talk of endless things of little or no importance. I had to learn when to back down and let them have their space, they have had 6 years together to figure it out I am doing my best to find my grove within their happy rhythm.

Just this past month Tom and Lynne celebrated their 6th year anniversary and I very much wanted to make it comfortable for them, I wanted to be there and yet let them have this moment. The night of they went out to dinner and to spend some time walking the mall to window shop which Lynne very much loves to do. I spent the time cleaning and organizing not only my little sleeping area but also my thoughts. I started to thing about how nicely things have been going and how we have all started to really mesh together, things are not all perfect but I think the good far out straps the bad. The cool down is a nice time, a time where you really start to figure out if you can live with these people or if you will drive each other crazy. I looked at my feelings and could see that I had started to let myself go, I was able to say to myself it was ok if I did not show my love every single second of every day. He loved me and I did not have to convince myself or him of it, I now know where I stand. When Tom and Lynne came home we all sat down and watched some TV, it was relaxing and just right. I felt like we where truly meant to be this unit of three, sharing our time together and just being with one another.

Lynne still does not know how comfortable she is with Tom and I becoming intimate, she fears if she will not be able to look at us together with out thinking of the act. With time I think this is becoming easier for her, I think she is starting to understand our love for one another and not have to worry that Tom will love her any less. The cool down has helped her come this far, it has let her see me as a friend again and to enjoy the time we all spend together. We have spent more time together just the two of us, watching movies at home and doing house hold chores it really makes me feel like I am a helpful part of the unit and that Lynne truly can see where I would fit.

This time has also helped me work on figuring out what poly really is. Before all I could think of was how new and interesting this was going to be, like nothing I have ever been thought. Now as time passes I can see that Poly is just like any other relationship that I have had, you just have one more person to work around. One of the big things I have found is that I have to make sure that I don't team up which can be hard sometimes. With a triad you have to make sure to not make things uneven by taking sides in an argument, if Tom and Lynne are fighting I have to let them work things out, I can be a helpful mediator if asked but not butt in where I am not needed. I love having another person to talk to about things that I like, and with another person in the relationship I have more of a chance that one of them will be interested in it as well, it makes for a big plus. I think the other thing I have learned during this time is that time is not always going to be even there is just no way to do it. Some days Lynne is going to spend more time with Tom and some days I am, the most important thing is to just make sure that everyone is getting the time they need so they don't feel alone.

I think everyone in the beginning hopes that NRE will last forever but I think we all realize that true comfort is far more enjoyable in the end. I wait for the day that we will move together like we have always been that way, knowing each other so well we can almost know what the other is about to do. I will always miss the feeling of blinding love that that you have at the start but I think right now I am happy to just sit and dream of quite afternoons spent reading together and knowing that my loves are near and always dear.

Catanya is a contributing writer as well as a member of this online Community. She can be contacted here or through our message board Forums.

Catanya ; October 04, 2007


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